One is constantly aware that the readers of this blog are a very discerning group of people. So much so, that many of you have probably already received a bottle of Dom Perignon and a bouquet of flowers with a discrete linen envelope inviting you to your favorite Rolls-Royce Specialist. Just in case one hasn’t received said parcel, I thought I’d let one know that the Series II Rolls-Royce Phantom is, at last, available.
The current car was introduced in 2003, and I’m sure this announcement is a great relief to those of you that have been forced to make do with the original car for so long.
So, what of the new car? As you may be able to see in the photograph, several significant changes have been made.
The move away from those, frankly absurd, round fog-lights will be a blessing for all those who have to look at the front of this car. Coupled with that, the fact that the radiator grill is now made from a single piece of stainless steel, rather than the positively downmarket three piece affair from the previous car, are reasons enough to upgrade.
The music box has been upgraded, which is often a cause for concern, but I have been reliably assured that Die Fledermaus and other popular pieces sound just as good as in the old car. Along with the music box, there is some new-fangled map thing in the front, though why anyone would employ a chauffeur that doesn’t know their way to Harrods, Wimbledon, and Royal Ascot is beyond me. After all, why on earth would one go elsewhere?
Rolls have, very considerately in my view, opted to keep, what I like to call the “entertainment system” for the new car. Yes readers, the rear doors still sport hidden umbrellas, and there is still plenty of room for a drinks tray where your chauffeur can uncork bubbly while one gazes upon the polo match of one’s choice. Entertainment indeed.
For those of you wishing to impress the ladies, a convertible version is available. This can be equipped with teak decking to match one’s yacht (one wouldn’t like it to clash, would one?).
Likewise, the slide out tray to hold her purse is still available. As you can imagine, the lady of this house is most relieved that this particular option has not been rescinded.
One’s only reservation in fully endorsing the Phantom Series II lies in the disquiet that last year Rolls-Royce sold 3,500 automobiles. I’m sure one can see one’s consternation here. Three thousand-five hundred is, quite frankly, a brash, almost vulgar number of cars for Rolls to make in a year. One gets the feeling that if this carries on, one may even see such people as “CEOs” and “Vice Presidents” in a Rolls-Royce Specialists, raising such tedious questions as “price” and “value for money.” One is sure readers of this blog will shudder as much at that thought as I do. One was, however, most most pleased to see that one’s local Specialist has refrained from abandoning personal service on the interwebs by providing their “online specials” via a living, breathing servant. One has to move with the times, but standards must be maintained, what? Bravo, Park Place!
Obviously with an announcement such as this, one senses there will be something of a rush to order a new conveyance from messieurs Rolls and Royce. As understandable as this is, it does leave one with the troublesome problem of what to do with their old car. While many options are available, one completely understands the dislike of discussing such distasteful topics as “pre-owned,” and worst of all “trade-in,” that are used by so many in the motoring profession today. In years gone by people simply left their vehicles on the side of the road, but in these days one must take one’s social responsibilities seriously.
I have therefore taken it upon myself to have our house’s engineer prepare our garage so that one may dispose of one’s, now old and outdated, Phantom in a respectable and discreet manner.
One would venture to suggest one simply lets one know when one will be dropping off one’s car and one will hear no more of it. Alternatively, arrangements for a driver to remove one’s old car from one’s estate, can be made. Distance is no object and all countries can be catered for.
Whilest many would hesitate to impose, one trusts one will avail oneself of one’s service at one’s earliest convenience by leaving, below, one’s instructions.
One is, as ever, one’s faithful servant,
Nigel Ponsonby-Ponsonby-Smitherington-Smith-Symthe of the Ponsonby-Ponsonby-Smitherington-Smith-Symthes of Nether Wallop, Hampshire, England.