Choosing a name is an important business. For example, I was at a horticultural society meeting in London last week when a punch-up started. You’d have thought we were at a hockey game, but no, it was all Shakespeare’s fault. Really, it was – do you think I make this stuff up?
Things were going swimmingly until it came to the roses, where the judges were taking Shakespeare to heart.
“Beautiful floompins.”
“You mean the yambles?”
“No you idiot, the red things with the spiky bits.”
“Them? Everybody knows they’re netkins.”
“Not those things, stupid; the ones with the red petals and thorns.”
“Who are you calling stupid…”
So much for sweet smelling roses, and all that.
Once the impromptu boxing contestants had been separated, I began to realize this was a classic example of what can happen when people get names wrong.
Unlike these British horticulturalists, the French are very careful with their names, choosing and altering them as needs be.
You see the bard’s name ambivalence was largely ignored in France for a good couple of hundred years. They clung to the intellectual high ground in their names and theatrical performances. Yep, no muddying the purity of their language for them.
Unless you were Napoleon.
Napoleon was happy to play it fast a loose with the whole naming deal. He’d probably become used to the idea of the flexibility of names when he started to claim he was French after being born Corsican. C’est la vie, and all that.
Famously, Napoleon also claimed the hand, and (on some nights) most of the rest of Josephine. Only Josephine wasn’t Josephine, at least not all her life. Napoleon took a petal out of Shakespeare’s book when he met a lady called Rose, and quickly chose the name by which she became famous, Josephine. Ok, ok, technically she was called Marie Josèphe Rose Tascher de La Pagerie, so she did have a touch of Josephine going for her, but try dropping that into casual conversation. Napoleon might also have wanted to make a break from Rose’s past life as a “mistress” (another carefully chosen name).
The odd thing about Napoleon’s choice of name for his wife is that Josephine loved roses. After their divorce, her home, Chateau de Malmaison, became noted for its beautiful, rose filled gardens. Maybe she was trying to tell him something.
A rose filled garden ... maybe she was trying to tell him something
So there you have it – choosing names is a dodgy business. The Brits ignored their roses and fighting broke out, while the French chose theirs with care and it led to love (at least for a while). What names have you chosen? And how did they work out? Love, war, or something else?
Cheers!
Snort-worthy post, Nigel. Oh, you meant it to be serious, did you? Sorry, but…
Had I been asked to name to top
tenfiftyhundred venues in which a brawl is likely to spontaneously erupt, it would not include a horticulture society meeting.*However, I so like the sound of floompins and yambles, I might have had to strongly defend one or the other (just so I could shout them out).
I choose my character names with care. Especially the hero. Would I still be on the PG13 side to suggest I can’t imagine a heroine
moaningsaying “Oh, Ignacious?”You must visit England more often. It brings out the Brit lingo in you and I love it!
Cheers back atcha!
Hi Gloria.
Of course I meant it to be serious, how could you think otherwise 😉
Yes, a garden show is a pretty unlikely spot for a punch-up. It’s about as likely as finding me at a garden show in the first place. I’m looking forward to your next book and Ignacious the hero!
Cheers
Ah, Josephine and her rose garden. Identity will not be denied. Lucky for Napoleon her real name wasn’t ‘Dragon-toothed Emperor Eater.
Gloria calls me Shnorty. I let you draw your own conclusions, while I construct a pen for the pot belly piglets.
KA-SHNORT!
It’s about time you ‘outed’ your name on someone’s blog, Shnorty.
And, now the rest of that deep, dark, secret is out. Our spelling for SNORT!
Nigel, it all began with alliteration, in a on-line class, when I first met Sherry. She called me Gloopy back-in-the-day. At one point, Margie Lawson told us to sit down and be quiet. Her wording was kinder. Something like, “I’ll be gone over the weekend. You two are always so fun to read, but If you could please limit your comments so I have time to respond to others…”
So, we moved to Yahoo! IM chat room.
Hi Gloria
Ah ha. So you two are known as Shnorty and Gloopy? Isn’t there a kid’s show with a similar name? Will you be using these as pen names in your publications? Have you reserved the web address for you inevitable rise to fame? You have to think of these things in advance. Take me for example, I used to be Google Blackwell, but had to change my name when some bunch of geeks registered the web name. I doubt it’s going to be successful though.
Good luck in the chat room 🙂
Cheers!
Hi Sherry
LOL, yes, that’s a name that might have made him look elsewhere – I think Napoleon was lucky to meet a girl called Rose. It certainly was easier to fit on all those letters he wrote.
I promise not to draw too many conclusions about “Shnorty!”
Cheers
I didn’t know that about Napoleon! But my sister and I are excellent at naming things. We even consulted baby name books and looked into their meanings. But now I have the bad habit of wanting to name everything! Just ask my car, Dion.
Hi Jess.
You have a car called Dion? Was that just because you like the name or is there a story behind that? I used to look online or in baby books for names, but these days I just pick on people I know 🙂
Is the house clean? Posts ready? Meals lined up?
Cheers!
I’ve only ever named pets. They’ve worked out pretty well.
I also did not know about Napoleon naming Josephine. How weird.
But I will always love British naming and nicknaming conventions. I think they’re fantastic and whimsical sounding.
Hi Madame Weebles
Named your pets, huh? I guess the one in your avatar must have been called “killer.”
British nicknames? Some are good, some less so. After much deliberation is bars across the country the typical nickname for someone called Nigel is … Nige. Yeah, you can see a lot of thought went into it. I have been called other names, but don’t generally repeat them to people I like.
I believe Americans also have a touch of the whimsical to their names, Madame Weebles.
Cheers!
That’s true, American names also have whimsy. Although for me it’s just not as fun to listen to American whimsical names unless spoken by someone with an English accent. And words like “floompins,” “yambles” and “netkins” don’t sound nearly as fun when spoken with a New York accent.
The kitty in my avatar isn’t mine, but she’s very much like my cat–usually referred to in my blog as Kitty Emeritus because she’s no longer with us. But her real name was Pickles. And she was the least whimsical cat I’ve ever had. Go figure.
LOL. Pickles, there’s a great name. I might just have a killer called Pickles one day. Have a great weekend 🙂
Cheers!
Dang! That would be a killer in a story, not in real life! (Note to self, read before pressing submit)
Fisticuffs at the Horticultural Society – what is the world coming to? And I wonder why Napoleon didn’t just stick with her first name, Marie. Call me crazy, but it seems like that would’ve been simplest.
Names aren’t that big a deal to me. I’ll respond to just about anything, including “Dave”. Story here: http://blog.dianehenders.com/2011/12/07/a-dave-by-any-other-name/
But it’s a funny coincidence that you wrote about naming – just two days ago I wrote my draft for next week’s post… on naming inanimate objects. If we’ve got some freaky mind-link going, you may not want to hang around in my brain for too long. You wouldn’t want to get any of that stuff on you.
Hi Dave
I guess if you taken control of more of Europe than even Hitler managed, you can call people by whatever name you choose. And I don’t think simple was in Napoleon’s vocab.
I must admit I respond to all sorts of names, shouts and gesticulations, though the nicety of my response does depend on the name 🙂
If you’re going to be naming inanimate objects, is it too much to ask for you to leave me off your list?
Cheers!
Nigel, I cannot believe a couple of Brits were fighting over some silly flowers! LOL!
Utterly ridiculous!
I have to tell you that the picture of roses are fighting against the plane in your header. They might have fallen under the influence of Napoleon. He was such a scrapper, that one. Although he seems to have a way with names.
I happen to love names. Names can say a lot about a person. And that’s why it’s so important that we make a good name for ourselves! 🙂
Hi Karen.
Yeah, even I can’t figure a connection between roses and fighter aircraft! I’ll have to add a few flowers to the random photo mix 🙂
Imaginary Brits will fight over anything, I assure you. They’re incensed the most by losing at cricket and football (the version played with your feet, not hands).
That’s a sad fact about the Bay bridge. How people can let something like that continue is beyond me.
Thanks for the comment 🙂
Cheers!
Nigel,
Loverly fripping post. All I can add is: can you imagine if Josephine were around today, what kind of email address she’d have with a name like Josèphe Rose Tascher de La Pagerie???
LOL! Rachel, that’s classic! In fact, if the internet had existed in 17c France it would never have caught on because no one would ever manage to type all that lot correctly. Mind you, it might have put paid to spam.
Thanks for the best laugh of the week!
Cheers!
LOL, Nigel, great post.
Ahh names. A minefield.
Karen, peeps in the UK will fight over anything. A Parent Teacher Association meeting in a school will have blood spilled on the carpet!
We named our cats Kheema (Burmese) and Korma (Siamese) after the Indian Curry. And often threatened they’d end up in a curry if they didn’t behave. And we once had a Chow Chow we called Leo because of his appearance, apparently the Chinese eat those too.
Nigel, I recently did a post that generated a huge discussion on names and what the hell were some parents thinking when they named their offspring!
http://ccmackenzie.wordpress.com/2012/04/22/whats-in-a-name/
Hi CC
I have to say your husband’s mum has a slightly strange way of choosing names! I know plenty of people who go by their middle name, but none that do so because their mum didn’t like they first name that they had given them! And naming your cats after a curry – that’s thinking ahead 🙂 They’d be ok in our house though, I’m a veggie.
Funny you mention PTA meetings. We went to one on Tuesday and you guessed it, a fight broke out!
Cheers!
What a hoot! Both the post and the comments. But also a real issue when naming characters (and children, or is that redundant; our characters are our children).
I write a mystery series. In the first book I had a minor character who was Kate’s (the protagonist) bodyguard. I thought it would be fun to give him an incongruous nickname so I called him Skip (he’s 6-5 and weighs in around 230 lbs), then set up a cute scene where, during a lull in the action, he explains the origin of his nickname to Kate.
Never underestimate your minor characters. Somehow in Book 2 Skip ends up falling in love with Kate, and by Book 3 she is beginning to reciprocate those feelings (meanwhile mysterious happenings are going on, the romance is a subplot). So now he is a major character and I’ve got to find a way to explain his nickname in each book, so if that’s the first book in the series that a reader picks up, they won’t think, “Say what? A giant named Skippy?”
Hi Kass
When we choose names for characters it’s usually because we want to reader to think of them in a particular way. I think the same is true in real life. I agree with you on the minor characters, sometimes they grow much bigger. Often in my (unpublished/unpublishable) stuff I’m quite sad when I kill a minor character off, more so than when the main characters suffer.
Good luck with the launch on the 11th!
Cheers!
Got a real kick out of this post. Thinking about what Karen said, I think you need to find that one picture out there somewhere of someone dumping a ton of roses out of a plane. Some crazy wedding stunt or something. 😀
But seriously… I would be so lost in any argument over the name of a flower. I don’t know what anything is in my yard. I’ve met with several landscapers in the last year and they all whip out some fancy name for some flower or plant in my yard and I just look at them with a dump glazed over stare. I have no idea which one they are talking about. Best the point and say the color. That helps a lot! LOL!
Your information on Napoleon compliments what I learned from Colin and his blog a few weeks ago. Nice bonus if I do say so myself. Thank you.
Hi Debra
I’m hopeless at identifying plants in the garden. I like grass, it’s easy to spot and easy to keep in check.
I will look for a flower related airplane picture, who know, there’s enough bizarre weddings, one of them has surely pulled this stunt!
Cheers