If you grew up anywhere near the Monty Python era you’re bound to know the title of this post. The quote comes from The Life of Brian. When John Cleese asks the question “what have the Romans done for us?” the answer he ends up being forced to say
All right, all right … apart from better sanitation, and medicine, and education, and irrigation, and public health, and roads, and a freshwater system, and baths, and public order … what have the Romans done for us?
The Life of Brian is an irreverent, irrelevant and, er, well, I’m out of “irr’s” but I’m sure you get the idea. It might be odd, but I think the Cold War has a little in common with this scene.
The Cold War was a time filled with fear and mistrust. Military and political advantage was all-important, but if you ask the question “What Have The Russians Ever Done For Us?” at least a couple of the answers have a distinctly John Cleese air to them.
Take, for example, the SR-71 Blackbird: one hundred and fifty thousand pounds of thundering Mach 3 surveillance platform. Its prime protection from missiles was speed, the pilot simply accelerated and waved goodbye. Partly because of this, and unlike the U-2, no SR-71s were lost to enemy action. Though it has to be admitted the U-2, the aircraft it was designed to replace, is still in service and the Blackbird was retired years ago.
So what about the SR-71 had any connection to the Python’s? Well, to meet its weight goals the SR-71 had to be built from titanium, a strong and light metal. It’s common stuff these days, but in the late 50s/early 60s, global production was pretty low, and the SR-71 was a closely guarded secret.
Titanium production was so low that Lockheed and the CIA set up long and tortious routes to procure large amounts of the metal without raising suspicions. This was important not only because the aircraft was developed and operated in secret, but because much of the titanium was bought from the USSR. In true Monty Python fashion, titanium was purchased from Russia, only to be returned a couple of years later in the form of a fully built spy plane.
Ok, So I hear you saying
“All right, all right … apart from titanium, and spy planes, what have the Russians done for us?”
What indeed.
The SR-71’s shape was intended to reduce its radar cross section (ie make it less likely to be detected by radar). In the end the aircraft was still easily detected, but the US knew stealth was important, even before the idea had a buzzword.
Lockheed worked on various ideas until in the 70s it was approached to design an aircraft with a truly low radar cross section. Dick Scherrer, Denys Overholser, and Bill Schroeder put together the outline of an aircraft made of flat surfaces that looked like a diamond. This was a shocking shape for an aircraft, and completely counter intuitive. In fact, famed Lockheed designer, Kelly Johnson believed that drones the company had built would have a lower cross section that the “hopeless diamond” (a play on the aircraft’s resemblance to the Hope diamond).
However, Overholser had an ace up his sleeve. Or more to the point he had a copy of a paper titled “Method of Edge Waves in the Physical Theory of Diffraction.” This work, describing as it did the scattering of electromagnetic waves, was consider essential reading by some people. Those people weren’t Russian, however.
The paper was published in 1964 by mathematician Pyotr Ufimtsev, at the time chief scientist for the Moscow Institute for Radio Engineering. Within the USSR his work was considered irrelevant, and he was warned that continuing would hinder his career, but he persisted. With no military value, the Soviet machine allowed Ufimtsev to publish his work internationally, soon attracting the attention of the US.
Ufimtsev’s work, refined by Overholser, and Schroeder, led to the secret experimental Have Blue aircraft, and in 1983 the first operational stealth aircraft, the F-117 Nighthawk. Much like the titanium and the SR-71, Soviet mathematical concepts led to the F-117, and every stealth aircraft since.
So, as John Cleese would say,
“All right, all right … apart from titanium, and spy planes, and the principles of electromagnetic wave diffraction, and stealth aircraft … what have the Russians done for us?”
I’m all out now, but if you have anything else you’d like to tack on Mr Cleese’s speech, let me know 🙂
Cheers!
Ah! Gotta love John Cleese.
What else have the Russians done? Why, they invented me!
All right, all right… only half of me. Whether their half is the better half or not, I’ll leave to my parents to battle over.
Awwww Sherry, I didn’t know. That’s an awesome connection that I didn’t know. The world is a very small place, isn’t it?
So now were up to
“apart from titanium, and spy planes, and the principles of electromagnetic wave diffraction, and stealth aircraft, and the good half of Sherry Isaac … what have the Russians done for us?”
Cheers!
Along Sherry’s line…
They did give us a plethora of creative talent who fled Russia in hopes of a less oppressive life elsewhere.
And, they were too dogmatic to understand the significance of some of their best scientific mind. Their loss. Our gain.
What they didn’t do for us, that the Romans did, was go away–or, at least, learn to consistently play nice in the world’s sandbox.
Hi Gloria.
Yes, there was a continual stream of talent that left the USSR. Even the Berlin wall didn’t stop it entirely. So,
“apart from titanium, and spy planes, and the principles of electromagnetic wave diffraction, and stealth aircraft, and the good half of Sherry Isaac, and a plethora of creative talent … what have the Russians done for us?”
Cheers!
Romans; Russians; pshaw! 🙂
The Blackbird is still one of my favourite aircraft, for the same reason the mid-60s Corvette Stingrays hold a special place in my heart. Even though their technology is outdated now, they were completely badass when they were built, and nothing compares to those elegantly dangerous curves.
They just don’t make ’em like they used to…
I didn’t know you were a Blackbird girl too, Diane. Right on.
Ok, Diane, I thought for one moment when you said “They just don’t make ‘em like they used to” that you were referring to me! But then common sense rolled up and I realized just being old doesn’t qualify one for such a comment!
The Stingray is one of the greatest looking cars ever. I think I’m going to go back to cars one day, there’s so much good stuff out there (none of which I will ever afford!)
Cheers!
It was your elegantly dangerous curves that attracted me in the first place, Nigel. 🙂
Excuse me while I blush and deny any such thing!
Those ’63 Stingrays with the split window… get me every time. Love’em. 70’s long nosed Stingrays, love those too.
And the Blackbird is in my top 3 sexiest aircraft of all time.
Yeah, the split windows were great, and they only made them for a short while.
Cheers
You know I enjoyed this one, Nigel! I guess the Russians really have done things for us–between the Blackbird and the U2, and all the various missile programs, we cranked out some sexy hardware because of them.
Spasibo, Comrades!
Privet Madame Weebles
Funnily enough, I hadn’t realized the link between the cold war and the sexiness of our military hardware, but now you mention it, maybe that’s why we’re saddled with designed-by-committee look these days. Another good one to add to the list…
“apart from titanium, and spy planes, and the principles of electromagnetic wave diffraction, and stealth aircraft, and the good half of Sherry Isaac, and a plethora of creative talent, and sexy hardware … what have the Russians done for us?”
Cheers!
Can I play?
VODKA – yea baby.
Faberge Egg
Fractional Orbital Bombardment System (FOBS) it was/is part of the Soviet ICBM programme in the sixties that after launch would go into a low earth orbit and then de-orbit for an attack. It had no range limit and the orbital flight path would not reveal the target location.
This would allow a path to North America via the South Pole, hitting targets from the South, which is the opposite direction from which NORAD early warning systems are oriented.
The wonderfully named, Outer Space Treaty (hope ET can read) banned nuclear weapons in Earth orbit. However, it did not ban systems capable of placing weapons in orbit (!) The Soviet Union avoided violating the treaty by conducting tests of the its FOBS without live warheads. Sneaky!
Right, back to my wip in my deep dark cave.
Excellent post, Nigel. I always learn something new when your blog alert pings into my inbox.
Hi CC
Oh Vodka, good one. I don;t know why I didn’t think of that one, for some reason it seems to have been blotted out of my mind. Strange, huh?
FOBS sounds life less of a gift to humanity, but thankfully it and similar systems have largely disappeared.
LOL, if FOBS and similar systems still exist in some form the you might want to be in that “deep dark cave” – possibly with a shot or two of vodka!
So, “apart from titanium, and spy planes, and the principles of electromagnetic wave diffraction, and stealth aircraft, and the good half of Sherry Isaac, and a plethora of creative talent, and sexy hardware, and vodka … what have the Russians done for us?”
Cheers!
If there hadn’t been the arms race with the Russians, it would have taken a longer time for the US to put a man on the moon.
Many James Bond movies would have also been duller without the Cold War.
My home country Finland can kind of thank Russia for getting industrialized so quickly. We had to develop many industries from a scratch after WW2 to pay our war reparations to them. As a result, Finland is the only country in the whole world that has paid all their reparations in full.
Hi Reetta.
Finnish? I do hope you keep up your country’s reputation with regard to rally driving, or at least driving on slippery surfaces like an ice god. Could we call you the “flying Fin” by any chance?
James Bond – yes, where would he be? Course he’s gone a little bit terrorist biased lately, but the earlier stuff would have been dull enough to write the series off. Let’s add him to the list.
Wow. Finland paid WW2 reparations to the Russia, I never knew. I know the UK only just finished paying the US back for WW2. You are right that sometimes we need a driving force to get us on track.
I’m only going to let you add one thing to this list, so in honor of your country,
“apart from titanium, and spy planes, and the principles of electromagnetic wave diffraction, and stealth aircraft, and the good half of Sherry Isaac, and a plethora of creative talent, and sexy hardware, and vodka, and people who pay their debts … what have the Russians done for us?”
Cheers!
Hi Nigel. I had no idea that we had to scam Titanium from the USSR and I hade never heard of Mr. Ufimtsev. I know that the USSR “gave” us advanced biological warfare tools. but I don’t know the names of the Soviet bioligists in question. The Russians invented arc welding though the first functioning arc welder was produced by the French.
Hi Holmes.
Arc welding? that’s a pretty interesting piece of background. We’ll give them a half credit because the French copied the idea from them. Besides, I seriously don’t like biological weapons, so they’re not getting any credit there. So,
“apart from titanium, and spy planes, and the principles of electromagnetic wave diffraction, and stealth aircraft, and the good half of Sherry Isaac, and a plethora of creative talent, and sexy hardware, and vodka, and people who pay their debts, and the invention of the arc welder … what have the Russians done for us?”
Cheers!