One is constantly aware that the readers of this blog are a very discerning group of people. So much so, that many of you have probably already received a bottle of Dom Perignon and a bouquet of flowers with a discrete linen envelope inviting you to your favorite Rolls-Royce Specialist. Just in case one hasn’t received said parcel, I thought I’d let one know that the Series II Rolls-Royce Phantom is, at last, available.
The current car was introduced in 2003, and I’m sure this announcement is a great relief to those of you that have been forced to make do with the original car for so long.
So, what of the new car? As you may be able to see in the photograph, several significant changes have been made.
The move away from those, frankly absurd, round fog-lights will be a blessing for all those who have to look at the front of this car. Coupled with that, the fact that the radiator grill is now made from a single piece of stainless steel, rather than the positively downmarket three piece affair from the previous car, are reasons enough to upgrade.
The music box has been upgraded, which is often a cause for concern, but I have been reliably assured that Die Fledermaus and other popular pieces sound just as good as in the old car. Along with the music box, there is some new-fangled map thing in the front, though why anyone would employ a chauffeur that doesn’t know their way to Harrods, Wimbledon, and Royal Ascot is beyond me. After all, why on earth would one go elsewhere?
Rolls have, very considerately in my view, opted to keep, what I like to call the “entertainment system” for the new car. Yes readers, the rear doors still sport hidden umbrellas, and there is still plenty of room for a drinks tray where your chauffeur can uncork bubbly while one gazes upon the polo match of one’s choice. Entertainment indeed.
For those of you wishing to impress the ladies, a convertible version is available. This can be equipped with teak decking to match one’s yacht (one wouldn’t like it to clash, would one?).
Likewise, the slide out tray to hold her purse is still available. As you can imagine, the lady of this house is most relieved that this particular option has not been rescinded.
One’s only reservation in fully endorsing the Phantom Series II lies in the disquiet that last year Rolls-Royce sold 3,500 automobiles. I’m sure one can see one’s consternation here. Three thousand-five hundred is, quite frankly, a brash, almost vulgar number of cars for Rolls to make in a year. One gets the feeling that if this carries on, one may even see such people as “CEOs” and “Vice Presidents” in a Rolls-Royce Specialists, raising such tedious questions as “price” and “value for money.” One is sure readers of this blog will shudder as much at that thought as I do. One was, however, most most pleased to see that one’s local Specialist has refrained from abandoning personal service on the interwebs by providing their “online specials” via a living, breathing servant. One has to move with the times, but standards must be maintained, what? Bravo, Park Place!
Obviously with an announcement such as this, one senses there will be something of a rush to order a new conveyance from messieurs Rolls and Royce. As understandable as this is, it does leave one with the troublesome problem of what to do with their old car. While many options are available, one completely understands the dislike of discussing such distasteful topics as “pre-owned,” and worst of all “trade-in,” that are used by so many in the motoring profession today. In years gone by people simply left their vehicles on the side of the road, but in these days one must take one’s social responsibilities seriously.
I have therefore taken it upon myself to have our house’s engineer prepare our garage so that one may dispose of one’s, now old and outdated, Phantom in a respectable and discreet manner.
One would venture to suggest one simply lets one know when one will be dropping off one’s car and one will hear no more of it. Alternatively, arrangements for a driver to remove one’s old car from one’s estate, can be made. Distance is no object and all countries can be catered for.
Whilest many would hesitate to impose, one trusts one will avail oneself of one’s service at one’s earliest convenience by leaving, below, one’s instructions.
One is, as ever, one’s faithful servant,
Nigel Ponsonby-Ponsonby-Smitherington-Smith-Symthe of the Ponsonby-Ponsonby-Smitherington-Smith-Symthes of Nether Wallop, Hampshire, England.
(Images courtesy of Rolls-Royce Motor Cars and Wikipedia)
Ta, ever so, old chap. I was in a dreadful quandary over how to dispose of my (frankly embarrassing) elder Rolls.
Champers beside the polo pitch at four? Pip, pip!
Four sounds absolutely spiffy!
Thank heavens you posted the phone number.
One shares one’s frustrations with these new fangled things. Oh for the days when one could simply pick up the telephone and speak to one of those very nice operators who would sort out all that tedious dialing and numbers and such.
I say, old boy, Good Show! Ripping good post.
Seriously, when I storm the headquarters of WordPress and take over, this will be the first thing I Freshly Press.
Oh my dear Madame Weebles, one is positively bursting at the seams with excitement at the very thought of one storming the WordPress headquarters. If I might be so bold, could I perhaps offer you the services of our gardener? He’s a stout fellow and ably suited, I’m sure, to a good bit of storming. Probably do the old duffer some good!
See you soonsies!
You can keep your bottle of Dom, Nigel, and your roses. I get free tea or coffee when I visit my Mini dealer.
Golly gosh, how exciting, Sherry! Fancy that, going into a real, live Mini dealer. How dashed brave of you. It must be frightfully exciting. I know they were popular with that singing group, The Beatles. Don’t suppose you met that awfully nice man, Jonathan Lennon, perchance?
Nigel, I can *so* hear James May reading this as a voice-over in a Top Gear review. You secretly working as a writer for the BBC? 😉
Salutations, Derek. One has sampled the delights of that little show “Top Gear,” though one would say it leans a little to the brash and vulgar at times. Certainly not the sort of thing one should watch with mumsy.
One does wish one could be writing for the old BBC, standards are slipping so these days, what?
The fabulous R&R Phantom series II is a must have, especially if one is expected on the Polo field and is in need of a quick G&T to go. Personally, I have always found the brellies a wonderful convenience as a passenger whilst my chauffeur insists on providing his own. I am disenchanted with the fact that R&R did not factor in an iMac computer on deck for ones own personal intellectual pleasure. One must make due without this compensation I suppose. Yet I am enjoying my glass of Dom as I await the delivery of said luxury vehicle. Cheers!
How how simply fabulous, darling – a Rolls on order. The convertible, perchance? Oh, and please don’t let it be blue. Blue is simply so last year. Everyone had blue at Ascot. Rumor was that even the dear Queen remarked on it. I do understand, from some of the younger types, that R&R will provide some i-whatsit to go in one’s Roller. Heaven forbid that it has to go in place of the drinks cabinet!
Fancy a spot of G and T’s later?
Sorry, old chap,
Can’t beat the Bentley Continental GT convertible.
Indeed CC, an admirable motor car for nipping down to Knightsbridge.
Ah, good, it comes in the convertible style. I was worried they might have done away with that option. I should put in my order now before they’re all sold out, right, Nigel?
Felicitations Sheila. Put in an order for a convertible? Oh, I should say so! One hears red is popular this year, but they do have a ghastly habit of selling out rather quickly. If one drops one’s old model off at chez moi, one would be delighted to put in a good word to bump you up the list a teensy bit.
See you soonsies!
What tripe! Let’s talk about a real car like the Rolls Silver Cloud series, built back in the 50s and 60s when cars were still full-size, pretty and individualistic.
Yes, cars from other decades are spiffy, too. But one would have to think twice before turning one of these down (you know, if they’re giving them away free).
Hi Nigel. My servants tossed the bottle and the flowers because they know I don’t accept advertising from foreign car makers. The local Rolls team was not to be dissuaded so they hired three potential Brooklyn Decker replacements, a Swiss chocolatier, a lovely Swedish masseuse and a charming Italian cook to host a visit for me at Buckingham palace. I thought it was very considerate of the London philharmonic to stop by and play the American National Anthem and Pachelbele’s canon . A service team with less skill would have likely attempted to serve me English food and might have allowed the symphony to play Handel at the late morning brunch but as you know those Rolls folks know their job.
Her Majesty put in a good word for the hard top with the Kevlar inserts and the new ultrasonic riot defense device for dealing with those nasty paparazzi . I couldn’t decide between the silver or red so I ordered one of each.
Just how just how simply fabulous, beloved – a Rolls upon order. The convertible, perchance? Oh, and please don’t allow it to be bluish. Blue is simply for this reason persist 12 months. Everyone had bluish at just Ascot. Rumor ended up being that perhaps the beloved Queen remarked on it. I do comprehend, from several of the more youthful types, which R&R will offer some i-whatsit to go in one’s Roller. Heaven forbid it has got to go instead of the refreshments cabinet!
Heaven forbid indeed! What some people see in these i-thingys is beyond me. Surely a good driver, a butler, and a cook or two is all one needs to keep in touch with one friends.