The english language has more than enough nuances to make communication difficult, but sometime we add to the complexity in the way in which we express ourselves.
I had a trip to europe recently. The trip went great, but the journey back was really challenging. The Brits must be as frustrated as the rest of us about traffic works and the hold-ups they create. On one sign someone had added an exclamation point to a sign that read
End Road Works
After an hour to get passed one hold up I was ready to add a few more choice phrases to that person’s protest.
At the airport I wanted something to eat. No problem, there’s plenty of restaurants. My problems started when I went to the restrooms (and wipe that grin off your face now). There was a sign,
Employees must wash hands.
It seemed fair enough, but do you have any idea how long it took me to get an employee to comply? Despite the establishments warning and its concern for the hygiene of its customers, it’s not easy to get them to follow their own instructions. It took a good thirty minutes and an argument with the manager before he finally washed my hands.
This left me late for my flight. The departure level was one floor up, so naturally I found the escalator, only to find a sign that read
Dogs must be carried on the escalator.
First hand-washing and now this? Who in the ding-dong takes their dog to the airport with them just so they can ride on an escalator? I don’t even have a dog!
On the way to the stairs I passed a pharmacy. I was a little tense, so I called in as asked
Do you have anything for a headache?
The last thing I expected was to be smacked over the head with a stick, but in all honesty it did leave me with a headache.
When I finally walking through security one of the guards dropped by bag and the contents rolled all over the floor. The guard picked up my bag, but not the contents. As he handed it back to me, I scrabbled to retrieve my possessions, and thanked him in the most sarcastic manner I could manage. Now, either he missed the tone of my voice or he’s had years more practice at sarcasm than me, because his snap reply was the perfect truth.
It was the least I could do.
As you might have guessed, I was first in line for a drink when the plane took off.
Seen any signs that bug you lately?
Cheers!
(Image courtesy of Signs Shipped)
Nigel, I’m about to pee my pants. Hysterical!
Ah, the things left open to interpretation.
DH drove through an industrial area. Passed a gar garage with a sign that read, ‘$99 Window Tint’.
He was impressed with the price, thought, wow, it’s really worth it to find these out of the way little places when, a few doors down he saw another sign:
‘We fix $99 window tint.’
Not as funny as your signs, and not so open to interpretation, but fun nonetheless.
Hi Sherry
“We fix $99 window tint” – that’s a classic. There is a tattoo place on my way to work that has a sign for $25. Later on there is a billboard for tattoo removal $2500, but people still get tattoos.
Let me know how the window tint works out 🙂
Cheers!
I laughed out loud at the part about getting a manager to wash your hands. You’d think they would be more compliant with their own rules.
A classic that I’ve always enjoyed is “Mind the Gap.” The problem was, I didn’t really mind the gap. I mean, yes, I knew to watch out for it and to make sure I didn’t fall between the train car and the side of the platform, but it didn’t bother me. It really didn’t seem worth getting all bothered about.
Hi Madame Weebles.
Ha, yes. “Mind the gap” just blends into the background noise after a while, doesn’t it? However, I did once tell my daughter not to worry, there’s never really a big gap, when we pulled up at a station where she could quite probably have disappeared down the gap beside the train. It didn’t faze her, I guess because she’d heard so much about it.
Cheers!
I love stuff like this, Nigel. Be sure to check out my blog tomorrow on communicating what we mean.
Sure, although I’m going to be very self conscious incase I make a mistake.
Cheers!
ROFL! You should be rather careful around the sign “WET FLOOR,” in case someone takes that as a command rather than a warning.
LOL! Dang Julie, I missed that one.
Cheers!
ROFL!
‘Please do not throw anything or any body into the fish pond.’
‘No Trespassing! Violators will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.’
‘Any persons (except players) caught collecting balls on this course
will be prosecuted and have their balls removed.’
Private!
Customer parking only!
All others will be toad!
**********
I could go on, but I won’t. Ahh, the English language, it’s a curse upon the world!
A good list, CC. I remember plenty of ball jokes from golf, but, uncharacteristically, I resisted. To paraphrase Homer, the english language is the source of and the solution to all of mankind’s problems. That’s Homer Simpson, not the old Greek guy.
Cheers!
I just returned from another cross-country drive, and the highway sign that bemused me was “Barricade Ahead”. No possibility of misinterpretation.
The sign itself wasn’t very large. The barricade, on the other hand, was about ten feet wide and six feet high, striped in black and neon orange. The barricade was visible miles before the “Barricade Ahead” sign was readable.
But the part that messed with my mind was that they didn’t actually elaborate on the significance of the barricade, just the fact of its presence. Should I stop? Slow down? Go around? Backtrack and detour?
No. In fact, the barricade wasn’t even on the road. It was on the shoulder. No construction, no road hazards, nothing. There was no need to take any action at all. They just placed a gigantic barricade on the shoulder of the road and provided a helpful sign in case I hadn’t noticed.
Next time I make that drive, I fully expect to see more helpful signs like “Black cow on the left, Tuesdays only” or “Asphalt next 3,000 km”.
I fell of my chair laughing at this one, Diane. “Asphalt for the next 3000 miles” is inspired. Glad you missed the barricade that wasn’t in your way. Those sort of things can be very tricky.
Cheers!
The one that has had me puzzling for years is “Slow Children”. Why would any community want to advertise its slow children?
Hi Margarita
LOL “Slow Children.” Yes, we proudly announce that at many school around here.
No idea what happened today. Feedburner (that sends out my emails) decided to no apparent reason to re-run an old post of mine. Sorry about that.
Cheers!