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Carpet colors are spiraling out of control. I used to think that the episode of Frasier where he’s having his carpet replaced, was pretty funny. He’s discussing the color, Harvest Wheat, with his brother. This is a new color, he says, which has been discovered between Almond and Buff. So, they decide the range of (expensively bland) colors goes: Putty, Oatmeal, Almond, Harvest Wheat, and Buff, and they recite these names like every schoolchild should know them.

Anyway, we’ve been shopping for carpet, and as much as Frasier’s string of colors sound funny, real life has got Crane brothers beat. Especially in Home Depot. Obviously, being in the south, they have colors such as Horsepower, Brickyard, Qualifier, and Turbo Boost. I mean, who wouldn’t want Turbo Boost on their floor?

But they’ve got Texas urbanites covered as well. There’s Conference Call, Self Starter, and Value Added. Then there’s Team Player, Benchmark, Action Item, Key Driver, Critical Path, Cost Cutter, Cross Functional Leader, and (one of my favorites) Mission Critical Visionary. There’s also Big Picture, if you’re one of those sort of guy’s.

Makes Friaser Crane’s Harvest Wheat look pretty normal, doesn’t it?

Seen any good color names lately? And do you think you could live with the knowledge that you carpeted your house with Cross Functional Leader?


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